By Archibald Votey
Editor-in-Chief
Resultant of its most recent system of notifying students of class cancellations due to inclement weather, Fairfield University has decided to take its emergency alert system a step further.
Starting this Saturday, the university will rig its alert system to inform students of class cancellation thirty seconds after they have fallen into the early stages of their sleep cycles.
Our neuro-science department has designed a computer chip that will be implanted in every student’s brain,” said a university representative, “and then we will be able to wake them up via an obnoxious cell phone call right after they’ve fallen into a comfortable slumber.”
The new system is sure to keep students awake in anticipation.
the fairfield reflector 