By Graham Huber
Contributing writer
Dispelling the rumors that the statue in front of the campus chapel is actually meant to symbolize the Jesuit value of “reflection,” Fairfield historians that are focused in art proved the statue is actually a monument to world’s first chest bump.
“We were a little shocked at first,” said an on-campus Jesuit, “but it makes so much sense. With all the bro culture here, it’s only natural that we honor those that paved the way for future Natural Light-drinking bros.”
According to our sources, the bump depicted in the statue took place after Christopher Columbus’ crew went ashore on Fairfield’s own Jennings’ Beach in 972 B.C. Historians claim that the bros in antiquity depicted were so overwhelmed by their successes that they pounded a few pitchers of Ye Olde Au Naturale and, in their excitement, slammed their sterna together, forever affecting the traditions held with one’s boys.
“One thing that’s interesting about this representation is that these ancient bros were barefoot,” said another campus Jesuit, “We hope to figure out when bros in Fairfield began wearing Sperry boat shoes with high white socks and erect another statue.”
the fairfield reflector 